Discrediting Convention and Enhancing Self-Perception
By Katherine
Years ago, I asked a friend if she thought I was beautiful. It was a strange question to ask, but I was genuinely curious, because she seemed to always have an opinion of others’ looks. She looked at me and, after a few seconds, responded, “Yes, in an unconventional way.” I was instantly taken aback, and I wondered what that could possibly mean. Do we really still believe that there is a “conventional” beauty? How is this possible, when something such as beauty is so subjective?
I don’t recount this story in order to discuss beauty. I want to talk about it because I’ll never forget that moment, a moment which changed my perception of the world around me and forced me to reconsider my own self-perception. I was so used to being told that I was beautiful and, when someone discredited that belief, I was stunned. The realization came that not everyone thought the same about me, and I came to realize how that’s completely fine. I realized that I didn’t have control over others’ thoughts or opinions, I only had control over my own.
Although I recall this story as one that I will never forget, I feel lucky to admit that I have never struggled with self-confidence. I have always felt very secure in my own skin, so much so that I typically am the type of person whom people confide in when they are struggling with their own self-perception. The reason why people seem to confide in me is because I have always been the type of person to see beauty in others, whether it be skin-level or otherwise. I find that I am most confident when I am able to help someone else challenge their own self-perception when they are feeling particularly down on themselves.
I like to tell people that one of the most important factors of feeling confident is to not let others persuade you to change. I always stayed true to myself no matter what, even when I entered middle and high school, and found that I had very little in common with most people around me, even my closest friends. I was the “edgy” girl who wore band t-shirts and skinny jeans and dyed her hair different colors every month—much to the dismay of my principals, who consistently had to track me down and tell me to change my hair back to a natural hair color—but I loved who I was, because that’s always been of utmost importance to me. It’s the only truth I always knew.
It was never my intention to persuade others to be “unique” or to be “different” intentionally. Rather, I liked to provide examples of how when you’re yourself, whether in looks or in personality, you should embrace it, always. Other people’s opinions only matter if you take them to heart and let them change who you are.
This brings me to my main point: If you believe you are beautiful, intelligent, or good-natured and someone tells you that they think otherwise, does this alter your self-perception? Or does it simply make you realize how others’ perceptions of you are not in line with your own? If you are able to rest easy knowing that you are being true to yourself, that is a surefire first step to feeling confident, empowered, and poised.
Subjectivity truly does disrepute convention. All that we are is only as important as the beliefs that we cast upon ourselves, and our truth is just as real as another’s. For some people, it’s easy to disregard the negativity that others are prone to throw at them; for others, self-critical tendencies can cause their self-view to be completely altered, just from allowing themselves to believe that another’s opinion of them holds more weight than their own. When my friend told me that I was beautiful but in an “unconventional” way, I didn’t respond negatively. I simply nodded and let it sink in, and I let it be a lesson to myself to always strive to lift others up.
To recall Walt Whitman’s astute observation, we all truly do contain multitudes. We are complex, variable beings, and we should not be limited to others’ perceptions of who we are or what can be seen from the outside. Instead, we should always look to ourselves to decide who and what we are. There is always more than meets the eye.
