The Other Side of Fear
By Teresa Lebowitz
Anyone who participated in high school band remembers the first game night of the season. The rush of metal and fabric, the odd instrument sounds playing in the background, and the tense emotions in the air, all concentrated in the same sweaty band room. If you were not dying of heat, you were ice-cold with nerves. This exact scene played out during my senior year as I stood anxiously behind the trumpet section.
Everyone will be watching, I thought to myself.
And everyone will be judging, said the nasty voice in my brain.
As the dance section leader, it was my responsibility to guide a group of thirty girls through the entire field show and stand dances. The past two weeks we spent at band camp had been slow and frustrating, as many girls had no prior dance experience, so I was concerned about how they would perform. On a personal level, I doubted my own abilities as a leader and felt utterly embarrassed to showcase our performance. Nevertheless, the band director’s whistle blew, and we began to march towards the stadium in tandem.
I will be honest – the first game was a mess. Flags fell, toes were stepped on, the marching was out of sync, and my dancing was mediocre at best. I felt ashamed of myself and my band, dreading the impending speech from the band director at the next practice.
Yet his comments were not as negative as I expected. “It’s the first night of the year,” he voiced, “and we have room for so much more improvement.” His usual fiery nature was calm, collected, and even encouraging.
I internalized his words and redirected my shame. At practice for the entire season, I made it my personal responsibility to answer every question and drill every difficult transition. My team responded well to positive reinforcement, so I continued to uplift their spirits with humor and my mom’s homemade cookies.
By the last game, we were unstoppable. Every band from the opposing team smiled as we performed our field show and danced along on the stands.
Now, I have a confession - this entire story almost did not happen. I nearly missed out on all the lessons I learned, all the people I met, and all the friendships I created. Two years earlier, I fought tooth and nail with my mother about joining band and attending band camp. I yelled, kicked, and cried every time the subject arose at dinner and insulted my mom with harsh words. Despite my efforts to avoid the experience, my father drove me to camp to attend my first day.
The rest is history.
As an adult, I realized my reluctance to join band was rooted in insecurity. I feared being rejected and imperfect. Even with the long hours and periods of frustration, being in band, and eventually serving as section leader, taught me more than any book or piece of advice - things I never would have learned if I’d given in to fear.
I learned that if you bow down to your fear, you will always feel regret afterwards. I vowed to live my life without “what-ifs” and “if onlys.” When an opportunity arises, I grab it and run.
This mindset led me to become a Buckeye at The Ohio State University, a two-time senator in the Undergraduate Student Government, a student advocate, an executive board member for my dance club, a representative for Glenn College, a hostess, and so much more. I cannot imagine my life without the friends I have made, the experiences I have collected, and the positions I am honored to hold.
It is healthy to feel fear – it means you care about your endeavors and yourself. But do not let fear paralyze you. Just remember, the person you are meant to become is on the other side of what you fear.
Instagram: @teresa.lebowitz
