Valentine’s Day & Self-Esteem
By Megan Carpenter, Empowered & Poised’s blog editor
Hearts and chocolate, teddy bears and roses… whether you’re someone who loves the holiday or are just excited to buy the discounted candy on February 15th, there’s no denying the social impacts of Valentine’s Day or the pressures girls often feel because of the holiday.
Between social media, romance (or the lack thereof), FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), and the commercialization of the holiday, there are pressures hitting girls from many directions in the days leading up to Valentine’s Day. So, if you have a young girl in your life, what can you do to strengthen their self-esteem this month?
1. Encourage In-Person Connection:
A study published by the Human Behavior & Emerging Technologies journal in 2020 concluded that, generally, “[M]eaningful interactions positively relate to young people’s self-esteem, regardless of the type of interaction - digital or face-to-face. However, only meaningful face-to-face interactions predicted an increase in the participants’ self-esteem the next day. . . . [T]he after effects of face-to-face interactions may be. . . longer lasting.”
However, TIME magazine published an article exploring the impact of social media on young people’s experience of Valentine’s Day specifically: “[S]ocial media make[s] them feel worse. Only 36% said they thought social media made Valentine’s Day more fun, while 65% said social media either made them feel jealous or stressed.”
When it comes to Valentine’s Day, it may be helpful to reduce or take a break from social media and focus on in-person connections, both to reduce negative emotions and to create longer term positive impacts on self-esteem.
If you have a young girl in your life, encourage her to take a break from social media for the holiday. But don’t leave it at that. Social media, at its best, helps people connect. So while taking a break from digital connection, look for ways to help her connect with friends and loved ones face-to-face instead. A sleepover, spa night, or bonfire with friends; an outing to a fun restaurant; or a trip to a Sky Zone or an ice rink are great ways to foster in-person connection, intereractions, and meaningful experiences.
2. Help Them Focus on Self-Love:
Valentine’s Day can breed insecurity and tear down self-confidence, so helping the girls in your life focus on self-care and self-love is so important. Dr. Molly Gasbarrini, Program Director of the Clinical Psychology PhD Program at the California School of Professional Psychology, offered this wisdom in an article published by Alliant International University: “The best outlook to have on Valentine’s Day is one of self-love, of celebrating who you are. Of taking time to engage in a mindful review of everything that makes you a wonderfully unique individual with qualities that can engender authentic human connection.”
Of course, for a young girl on Valentine’s Day, that can be easier said than done. So what can you do? Help them see themselves through the eyes of those who love them. Make it your job to remind them of all the positive qualities they have and of all the ways the world is better because they are in it. Write notes in whiteboard markers on their mirror, hide sticky notes in places for them to find, or take a blank card and fill it with encouragement.
In addition, encourage them to take time for self-care, whether by making popcorn and watching a movie, painting nails, relaxing with a face mask or bubble bath, or just getting a little extra sleep.
3. Remind Them to Express Love and Appreciation to Others:
One of the best ways to help the girls in your life avoid the Valentine’s Day blues is to help them take the focus off themselves. Encourage them to use the holiday as an opportunity to express appreciation, friendship, and love for others in their lives. Since many of their friends are likely feeling insecure or stressed because of the holiday, too, help your girls think of ways to affirm the value of the people around them. Offer ideas - cards, small gifts, notes in lockers, or a group outing are great ways for them to express their feelings and encourage others.
4. Look for Ways to Serve:
An article published by the Cleveland Clinic says, “acts of kindness may help boost adolescent self-esteem.” Many studies have found a positive link between volunteering or altruistic behaviors and self-esteem. Stephen G. Post wrote in a study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Medicine, “[A] strong correlation exists between the well-being, happiness, health, and longevity of people who are emotionally and behaviorally compassionate.”
A holiday that can harm girls’ self-esteem is a perfect opportunity to serve others.
Encourage the girls in your life to affirm the value of others, including those often overlooked in society. Get in touch with homeless shelters or refugee aid organizations and ask them what the people they serve could use, then put together small care packages for them. You can also plan to serve a meal at a shelter or volunteer time to work on a project for a nonprofit or community organization. Or, instead of worrying about stuffed teddy bears, go volunteer at an animal shelter and cuddle real animals that don’t have homes.
Valentine’s Day should be a time for love and is genuinely an opportunity for girls to grow in their self-esteem, social relationships, and community connections. As the holiday grows closer, we hope you and the girls in your life see it as a day to affirm each person’s value and make the world a little kinder and warmer.
If you’d like to connect with Megan, you can find her on LinkedIn at www.LinkedIn.com/in/carpentermk or follow her on Instagram at @megsketofitnessjourney.
