Where To Plant Your Seed
By Aidan Boulton
Like most girls, I’ve experienced feeling like I didn’t belong. For many years, I felt like an outsider. As a younger child, I sensed that others thought I was weird, awkward, and a nobody. My confidence levels were so low, and I started to accept that this was the way life would always be. However, due to a major change in my life, I began to realize that I wasn’t the problem - my environment was. Once I broke free and started reaching for the goals that I truly wanted, and stopped trying to fit in with a crowd that clearly wasn’t meant for me, my confidence and sense of self flourished and blossomed. This is my journey to empowerment, and finding a passion and purpose for my life.
As a kid, I developed an intense love for the sport of gymnastics and I had a natural competitive spirit and drive from the very start. As a result, when I was around 6 years old, I was placed into an accelerated program for gymnasts. This meant I was now homeschooled so I could fit in more training at the gym, and I was tested for the USA national development teams. The work seemed to pay off; I was the State All Around Champion for two years in a row, and I saw collegiate gymnastics in my future. However, as I grew up I realized that the sport I once loved was not helping me love myself.
I never really found my way into a friend group at any of my gymnastics gyms. Too many things were different about me: I was the tallest on the team, from out of state, and homeschooled. While some of these things may seem minor, they didn’t feel that way to an insecure preteen who only wanted to impress. As I started developing and aging, my environment began to prey upon me. Like so many other young girls in performance- and individual-based sports, I struggled with disordered eating and body image issues. My earliest memory of this is when I first came back to practice after having been sick and throwing up for days. My coach told me, “I can tell you were sick. Your legs look a lot smaller.” After that, it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I realized that consuming less food led to a skinnier body, and I made that my mission. I started pretending to be sick so I wouldn’t have to eat food. I would sleep with plastic wrap around my stomach to make it smaller. I did so many terrible things that no young girl should ever feel like they have to do.
While my body image struggles continued, my love for gymnastics dwindled severely. My coaches were no help; my fear of trying new skills worsened, and I would hide in the bathroom to avoid the coaches’ yelling. They constantly compared me to the younger, more talented girls. The talent and passion that I had once possessed as a child was gone. Instead of flourishing in my environment, it was dragging me down with constant reminders of my fears and differences.
Heading into high school, my mom finally let me quit the sport. After a lifetime of tears, I was excited for a new chapter in my life. I decided to try out for the cheerleading team, and it was the absolute best, healthiest decision I have ever made. Instead of our differences being shunned, each person’s abilities were celebrated as a unique contribution to the team.
My tall, strong body was the perfect size for lifting girls, and performing in front of crowds taught me how to emerge from my shell. I learned how to use my gymnastics skills for something that I truly loved doing.
My new goal formed soon after: I wanted to be a college cheerleader. After years of hard work, love, and support from my coaches and teammates, I became a member of Bowling Green State University’s (BGSU) cheerleading team.
Cheerleading taught me leadership and passion. Once I switched to an environment that welcomed me, aka cheerleading, I became a proud, poised woman. I now know who I am as a person: I am protective, positive, and helpful. I am no longer fearful, drastically insecure, debilitatingly shy, or unsure of myself. I am empowered because I chose an environment that highlights my strengths, rather than one that causes me pain.
My advice to every young girl is this: you are just like the seed of a plant. It can blossom into a beautiful flower if given the right soil and nutrients, but if it is planted in a rocky area that rejects the seed, it will never be able to develop into something wonderful. Plant your seed in a place that celebrates you as a person and gives you the space to thrive. Never give up on your seed. Never give up on yourself.
Want to connect with Aidan? Find her on Instagram at @aidan_boulton_.
