You Are Welcome Here
By Sarah Wolf, MFA, MSSA, LSW
Recently, I posed a question on social media: “What makes a space feel welcoming to you?” The answers popcorned into the comments section: “Natural lighting!” “Cozy pillows!” “Warm colors!” And while I agreed that my friends were co-creating a pretty incredible space to want to be in, what surprised me was that nobody mentioned people. Nobody mentioned the value of a kind greeting or someone to point you in the direction of the snacks. Nobody mentioned snacks, for that matter. It made me go back to my original question to see if it seemed to lean toward furniture over faces—but it didn’t. Even so, as the thread continued to build, the focus remained on what was there, not who was there, and to me, that warranted further investigation.
So I posed a second question: “What can people do to make you feel welcome in a space?”
This elicited fewer than half of the first question’s responses, but those who did respond offered up the sort of kindnesses I’d imagined would have come up initially: “smiles,” “introductions,” “using names,” “connecting people with common interests,” “providing spaces to put belongings and get settled in.”
I wondered: Why would so many minds go first to creature comforts like a plush rug over the warmth of human kindness?
Because we don’t automatically think of people as being welcoming spaces, my brain pinged back.
I spent two and a half decades running small businesses before I made the transition to becoming a social worker, so my entire professional worldview holds people up as agents of welcome. I’d argue people are the most significant agents of welcome. Think about a time you walked into a new space and had someone there to greet you, direct you, or connect with your humanity in a small or large way. Isn’t that what you remember most, rather than how nice the pillows were or how calming the color palette of the decor was?
Maya Angelou has a famous quotation you may be familiar with: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” So often, we associate this with “bad” feelings—we remember when someone has hurt us or wronged us or made us feel “othered.” But the opposite is also true. We remember when someone was kind, supportive, or welcoming. We remember how other people made us feel—and that is everything.
In my current professional life, I work as a community-building programs manager. This means I facilitate workshops, grant opportunities, and forums that provide residents with skills, resources, and connection with others in the community. The framework I use to guide me is strengths-based: Instead of trying to identify “problems” and then look for “solutions,” I teach residents to identify community assets. An asset is anything that makes a community unique or appealing. While it’s true that a park, a great restaurant, or some well-cared-for homes can be assets, I believe the strongest asset of all is the people who value connection. When people care for one another, they look for ways to uplift and recognize the skills and talents of those around them.
I have a t-shirt that says, “Empowering Women Empower Women,” and that’s the principle I’m talking about here. While it’s not limited to women (it could just as easily read, “Empowering People Empower People”), the message is that when you feel confident enough to share your gifts and talents with others, you are more likely to encourage the same from your peers, neighbors, and community.
In social work we often say, “People are not problems to be solved.” In fact, people contain limitless potential to shape the world and make it the place they want it to be—but only if they are given the chance to shine.
So much of that starts with kindness, openness, and curiosity. Taking the time to get to know the people around you by asking them questions and letting them get to know you, too, opens doors to the most welcoming spaces any of us can think of: friendship, camaraderie, sisterhood, and love.
If you ask me what makes a space feel welcoming, my answer will always be, “You do.” Let your light shine and support others in their quest to have their light shine, too. Choosing this path is what connects us all, through and through.
About the Author
Sarah Wolf (MFA, MSSA, LSW) is a community-building programs manager in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. She’s maintained a daily writing practice since 1/1/11. Follow her on Instagram @wolfstarpress. Visit wolfstarpress.com for more information.
