Learning Never Stops
By Becca
Hello! While I’m here to share my story and reflect on what it means to be Empowered and Poised, it’s essential for me first to highlight that I’m still learning how to be confident in myself, overcome struggles, and love who I am. Learning never stops, and as the life around us changes, we do too.
For as long as I remember, I have never really loved my body. I know now that my worth is not attached to my physical appearance, but like many girls and women, I grew up in a society that worships a pretty face and perfect figure. While I like to think of myself as an intelligent, capable, kind person for a long time, I thought, “if only I looked like that, then I would be happy.”
That thought eventually grew larger, pushing me to constrict myself into a smaller body. In my senior year, I developed an eating disorder. I obsessed over healthy eating, overexercising, and restricting myself from food. This mentality gave me what I thought was the “perfect body,” the one I thought would make me happy, but the person inside that body became different. I had become so concerned about food, and what I looked like that I stopped hanging out with my friends, became constantly stressed, and didn’t even get to enjoy my senior year.
When my physical and mental health started to deteriorate severely, I realized I needed to do something. Thankfully, I had a great support network of my friends and family to who I could turn. They encouraged me to meet with a therapist, with whom I began learning how to unlearn. I had to unlearn my belief that my physical appearance was the most important thing about me. I had to unlearn my feelings of guilt when I ate something I deemed unhealthy or when I didn’t exercise enough. Instead, I learned how to fuel and take care of my body. I learned that I deserve love no matter what I look like.
I am still recovering from my eating disorder. Every day it sits in the back of my mind and is something I toil with. But I am proud of what I have been able to accomplish. I am significantly healthier and happier. Like almost anyone, I know I will continue to struggle with body image for most of my life. But, the more I practice loving myself for who I am internally and not just externally, the more I will become confident, empowered, and poised.
While my history of body image issues and disorderly eating still have rather traumatic effects on my day-to-day life, I am surprisingly thankful for my experience. I’m grateful I could catch the disorder before it seriously hurt me. I’m grateful I’ve learned how to give love to myself so relatively early on in my life. I’m thankful that I know I’m capable of getting through hardships, no matter how daunting they may be. And I’m thankful that I’ve been given a chance to see what gives me happiness.
Once, someone asked me what I would say to my 5-year-old self. In reflection, here’s what I’d say: Your life will be complete. Full of laughter, learning, and love. You’ll discover new passions, new places, and new people. You will go through hard times. You will experiment with changing yourself, but you’ll realize that you need to go back to being you. So you will have the strength to revive yourself. And all along the way, you will have the most fantastic support. Most importantly, you will become a strong, smart, dedicated, creative, and kind woman. You are capable of doing great things, even if they’re only meaningful to you. That still counts, and you are worthy.
Taking the time to reflect on me in this way helped me truly recognize the values of being Empowered and Poised. I am confident, strong, and beautiful just the way I am. It also showed that I would never stop changing and learning who I am. If you’re interested, try writing a letter to your 5-year-old self and see what you write down. It may surprise you just how strong you are.
