Not Letting Other People’s Opinions of You Define Who You Are
By Kenzie
In the United States, there are many stereotypes attached to my identity as an African American female. I never viewed myself as different from other people until I heard what society had to say. I also didn’t care that I was different until society told me I should. When I first entered the space of academia, I attended diverse institutions. I was one of many black women in my grade, and I never felt alone. Once I transferred schools in the sixth grade to attend Hawken School, a private college preparatory school in the Gates Mills/ Lyndhurst area, reality changed for me.
I remember the exact moment I first felt like a minority. At Hawken, new students have to attend a New Student Orientation a few days before you start school. I walked in on the first day of Orientation, and realized I was the only person there who looked like me. This would later be reflected in the demographics of my sixth grade class, as there were three other African American girls and two African American boys. To no fault of my school, we were a vastly smaller population in comparison to my white friends. This reality never changed, and it stayed with me all throughout my middle and high school experiences. Being a minority in your school environment can be very challenging. This is especially during the middle school phase of your life, when you feel the pressure to “fit in” for the first time, figure out who you are and how that will help you become “popular.” I put those words in quotes because they have different meanings for everyone, and not everybody has the same goals as a middle schooler. I wish I didn’t have those priorities, but looking back, that’s where I directed most of my energy. My education was obviously my main priority, as that’s what I was there for, but anyone who has gone through an awkward phase of middle school knows that fitting in is a real concern for 12-year-old girls.
If any of this resonates with you, or you have a daughter in a similar scenario, just know it gets better. There’s nothing wrong with not “fitting in” because we were all created to be exactly like ourselves. When I was younger, I felt the need to assimilate to my surroundings and adapt to the white culture I was around every day in my school life. At the same time, I thought people expected me to fill a black girl space, or to be a token minority in my school. When I first started at Hawken, there were already a few other black females there who filled that space as the “token black girl.” I put so much effort into proving society’s perception of me wrong, and I was struggling to shut society out.
I wish I could tell you that there is an easy fix to these issues, and that you may never feel the same way I did. But I can tell you it gets easier. Take it from me, as a person who struggled for all of her developing teenage years to accept herself, that you will get there. I look at who I am today, and I’m so confident and secure in myself that no one can take me off of my path or the vision I have for myself. I’m human though, and I have days where I struggle, but what you have to remember is that your strength comes from inside of you. No one else can give you confidence, security or power. You were created to be yourself. There is no one else on Earth who is exactly like you, so why spend so much time trying to be a replica of someone else? And why let someone else tell you what you are supposed to be, how you’re supposed to act or what your path in life will look like? At the end of the day, they don’t know what is best for you. You’re the only person who knows that. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
