Reclaiming My Sovereignty
By Annika Lepik
For nearly a decade, I was not living in my body. It was as if I was stuck in a state of sleep paralysis and could not fight my way out. I lost all control over the ship and passed the wheel over to my romantic partners. Deep down I knew how my lifestyle was impacting me, but I could not muster the strength to break free.
As a woman, I can firsthand express the frustration I feel toward the male-centered society that we live in. That is not to say that men are patriarchal creatures that should be furiously destroyed. I believe that such a mentality poses a danger to society. Strong men are needed to protect, to lead and establish order in the same way that women play a paramount role in creation, flow and nurturing. The trouble is in the harsh reality that a woman's worth and identity are often predicated on male perception. This is the matrix I aim to escape for my own sense of liberty and happiness.
All throughout high school and university, I was boy crazy. I thought that men had the magical tincture to solve my trauma created by angry, violent men and parental neglect. Relentlessly, I searched for a new outcome by reenacting former traumatic events. I lost my individuality. The idea of wandering out into the world alone with nobody to turn to for validation and security was indigestible. I became enmeshed in my partner and left my identity far behind. I was living in fear of being abandoned, but in the process I abandoned myself.
After years of trial and error, I have discerned that being alone is fundamental to evolving on your life path. It is easy to become distracted by work, family, friends and all of the commotion in our daily lives. What is hard is coloring outside the lines in the face of indoctrination. Although it may be challenging, it is possible to break free from the programming and uncover your higher earthly purpose. In this blog post, I have provided a few pieces of advice to help you reclaim your sovereignty.
LISTEN TO YOUR INTERNAL KNOWING
Set time aside to sit alone in a quiet room. Sink deep into your body. Then a little deeper. What is your soul telling you? If you deal with attachment problems, what do you fear facing on your own? I recommend journaling daily so that you can make sense of your emotions. Observe the thoughts passing through your consciousness and get curious about the meaning behind them.
PRACTICE SEPARATION
Grounding practices have a paramount role in healing from trauma. If you are one to disassociate or split from your trauma, it can be helpful to incorporate a practice that will bring you back into your body. I have found that meditation and exercise are two extremely beneficial grounding modalities. They can help you to settle into your parasympathetic nervous system, taking you out of your head and into your body. You will become more in tune with physical sensations and what they have to communicate.
The famous Youtube creator and life coach, Aaron Doughty, mentioned a way of practicing separation that I found particularly fascinating. The exercise is listed below.
Sit in a dark room with a candle in front of you.
As you watch the light flicker, notice the separation between yourself and the candle.
The longer you stare into the light and feel the separation, the safer you will feel in your body.
DO THINGS THAT BRING YOU JOY
There’s nothing that brings me greater happiness than my creative outlets. The more I do things that bring me joy, the more inner focused I become. I am much more needy and in a mindset of lacking when I abandon my values. I have found that having my own passion outside my partner has allowed me to lead a much happier and meaningful life. Rather than obsessing over what my partner is doing and getting in my head, I can settle more into my heart and body. I can begin to realize my own inherent worthiness.
Society mentally imprisons us from the moment we are born. Corporations feed us reasons to feel inadequate at every turn and then provide solutions to keep us contained. There is no freedom in subjugating to the agenda of someone who sees you as a money-making machine. True freedom comes from embodying your truest expression in spite of all the surrounding chatter. You and I can rise above. We can soar to new heights by braving the storm because we know that something better is waiting on the other side. We can honor our internal knowing because everything we need already exists within us.
If you’d like to connect with Annika, you can find her on Instagram @bloomingflower_blog or check out her website https://thebloomingflower.ca/.
