The Importance of Being Heard
By Dana Rohal
Anyone can listen to what you say, but being heard is totally different. This is something we all hope for but can seldom feel as a person, a friend, a spouse, an employee, and especially an adolescent or teenager. It is easy for others to listen to respond, or easily dismiss what you have to say to meet their own needs or agendas.
As a teen, you face so many different influences—family, peers, teachers, coaches—and navigating through this while trying to learn to become your authentic self can feel overwhelming. You are forming opinions about the way you feel based on your environment, the media, and sometimes even religion and politics. You are beginning to understand how you feel about your interests, your convictions, your body, your gender, your sexuality, your goals, and your future aspirations. You should not have to carry this load alone.
At your age, you may be concerned about having your thoughts or feelings dismissed by adults who say, “You are just a kid,” or "You are too young to understand these things." At the same time, you may be quick to tell those adults in your life, "You wouldn't understand," when they ask what is wrong or what is on your mind. See where I am going with this?
In my day-to-day interactions with my students, my main goal is to make sure they feel heard. I assure you there are adults out there who remember what it was like to be in your shoes, but often forget just how much they also felt like they were not understood at your age. Sure, there are times when a little adult or parent perspective can come in handy, and I am more than happy to help you navigate the pressures you face and provide that perspective. I may not be able to fully relate to your specific story, but I can offer an open mind to listen and a caring heart to provide support. This being said, I know there are other adults out there who feel the same way as I do.
I am a little late in finding my calling to work with a younger population, which I credit to becoming a wife and a bonus mom to two amazing now young adults. I had been successful in my previous career endeavors, but I was still not entirely fulfilled. Until I became a bonus parent, I did not realize how much gratification I would gain from helping young people learn about their emotions, overcome obstacles, reframe situations to provide some perspective, and most importantly, find a space with me to just be.
Their influence has led me to expand on my education beyond my bachelor’s degree in psychology to obtain a master’s in school counseling. In the meantime, I work as a home liaison for my local school district, where I am also completing my internship, and I have been able to witness just how much support my students need. Often, they tell me about broken relationships with parents, past and current traumas, external and internal pressures, emerging identities, and a general lack of feeling heard in their struggles. Mental health concerns are more apparent than ever before, and expressing your feelings to someone who can offer that space to be heard could be more valuable than you know.
Your voice and feelings matter. Don't be afraid to take the chance to be who you are and speak what is on your mind. You are not alone. Ask for help or support if needed. Find someone who can hold space for you. Do you hear me? Give us the chance to hear you!
Here are some tips if you’re a parent looking to help your child feel more heard:
Help your child identify feelings and emotions to open the line of communication. If they understand what they are feeling, it’s easier to talk to you about what they’re going through, and you can hear their truth. Try to validate their emotions and avoid judgment.
Sometimes your child just needs you to listen. Really hear them. Refrain from giving advice and let them speak. Sometimes just talking about a problem can help them work through it and find a resolution on their own. This is a vital life skill. Remember, we are not always going to be around to "fix" things in their lives.
Remember that you were once in their shoes. We are not in their world anymore, but our job as parents is to help them navigate what they’re experiencing now. Your support and ability to hear them will matter.
Let them make their own mistakes. Mistakes are learning experiences. Hear them when they tell you why they made the mistake and help them grow from the experience. We are not perfect, so don't expect them to be.
Be relatable. Share with them your past experiences; let them know that you have been there too. It can help them realize they are not alone in their thoughts or situations. Let them hear you.
About the Author
Dana Rohal is a home liaison with Parma City Schools in Ohio. If you’d like to connect with Dana, you can find her on Instagram at @justdanarohal or on LinkedIn at Dana Rohal.
