Be Who You’ve Always Been

By Natalie

I recently turned 40. It’s one of those ages I’ve seen as a “before and after” point for a long time. “Before I’m 40 I want to do this. After I’m 40, I’ll aspire to do that.” 

This has been yet another wake-up call on my ~14,600 days on this earth to stop making age and time mean so much. 

Right before I turned 40, I found all of the diaries, journals and essays I wrote from the time I was eight years old. While 75% of what I read was cringe-worthy (oh, all of the crushes on boys I had forgotten about), the other 25% was pure gold. 

Here are some of those lines:

...It’s not how a person looks. It’s how they act [that matters]

...If I’m ever poor in money, I’m still rich if I have my best friend

...Love is sacrificing an intimate relationship in order to allow a friendship to blossom.

...Tranquility is falling in love before the first kiss. Falling is the kiss.

...Faith is forgetting about the past, setting aside the future, and enjoying the present.

No matter the age of the person who wrote those things, they’re magical. 

When I read the words I wrote so long ago, my heart broke for the young girl who thought she had to hang out with different people, look a different way or be someone who she wasn’t.  

My heart also swelled because in between those lines of writing, I saw beauty. I saw intelligence. I saw the person I am today. 

Reading these words reminded me that we have to be who we’ve always been to become who we never thought we would be. 

There’s the same amount of wisdom in a 15-year old girl growing up in a small rural Ohio town and the young woman who started her career in Silicon Valley as the person who is now a Fortune 100 leader, entrepreneur and mother.

I wish I hadn’t spent so many of my trips around the sun trying to impress people, convince myself that I wasn’t good enough, or settle into the background when I knew I was meant to be on stage. 

I wish I had spent more time living the words I wrote in the privacy of my small town bedroom, my first apartment, and the house where I now raise my two little girls. 

I wish I spent more time being who I already was instead of trying to become someone I thought I should be. 

It’s never too late to course correct, and that’s my hope for you. What have you always enjoyed doing, especially as a little girl, that you’ve abandoned in your adolescence and young adulthood? 

Were you always the first one to get onto the basketball court during a pick-up game? Then go lace up your shoes and get back in the game.

Did you play the starring role in the school musical and the only place you sing now is in the shower? What would it be like to get back on stage on your campus or in your community? 

Were you always carrying a notebook around to capture your deepest thoughts or observations about the interactions happening around you? What have you written lately to express yourself? 

Over the past few years, I’ve gotten to know my inner small town girl more than I ever thought I would. After realizing that everything I learned to be successful in business came from growing up in a town of 600 people, I started a company called Small Town Leadership to share those lessons with organizations and leaders from around the world. 

I help organizations and leaders develop the type of culture and skills that will allow them to make their company feel like a small town. I describe this culture as a place where everyone knows everyone, everyone’s work matters, and there is a sense of care and camaraderie that’s necessary to survive and thrive. These ingredients are often what’s missing when a company isn’t performing well or people don’t feel connected to their work. 

What it took to get here was a coach asking me the same questions I posed to you. She asked me, what do you miss doing from when you were a child? I didn’t even have to blink before I said “speaking and writing.” 

From that day forward, I have been speaking and writing more than I have in a long time. Uncovering my diaries and essays felt like winning the lottery because they are informing new work in ways I couldn’t anticipate. 

Reading the words from my younger self reminded me that I have always been who I was meant to be. 

You have always been who you were meant to be, too. 

Let her out every day. Don’t hold back. That’s your ticket to empowerment and poise. When you share your gifts, even the ones that haven’t seen the light of day since you were a child, you will feel more whole. When you say the words that are deep in your heart out loud to those around you, you and everyone you encounter on your trips around the sun will be better.

Be who you’ve always been, and don’t hold back.