Being Yourself and Loving Yourself. What I Learned From My Curls

By Stefanie Fields

I love straight hair; I always have and always will. It’s so pretty! It’s smooth and shiny, reflecting the light like a glimmering waterfall. Straight hair makes you look put together even if you’re not trying. It’s easy to style, easy to manage, and easy to tame.

Because I love straight hair so much, naturally, I was born with curly hair—wild, unruly, frizzy, crazy hair.  Growing up, all my friends and the girls in school had straight hair. Smooth, silky straight hair. Long or short, thick or thin, it didn’t matter to me. All straight hair was beautiful, and my hair wasn’t straight, so how could it be beautiful?

I don’t even want to know how many hours of my life were spent plugged into the wall with a flat iron. One small section at a time, one long, slow stroke after another… Clamp, sizzle, repeat. Repeat over and over until it’s stick straight, dry as a bone, burned to a crisp.

It wasn’t pleasant, but then came the glorious result – straight hair! Straight hair I could glide my fingers through; straight hair that shined like the sun; straight hair that was twice as long as my curly hair!  Yes!  STRAIGHT HAIR!!

Usually, I got to enjoy it for about four days before my natural oils took over. I would solemnly head into the shower, going in with the hair I wanted, knowing I would come out with the hair I have, foolishly hoping for a miracle. Maybe this time, it will finally listen. Maybe this time, it will stay straight. It never did, and it never will.

There is wisdom that comes with age, and the brilliant thing is you don’t have to be that old to get some.  I was only in my 30s when this revelation revealed itself to me:

IT’S SO MUCH EASIER TO BE YOURSELF.

This may sound blatantly obvious, and in many ways, it is. But I didn’t get it until I got it. I’d spent so much time lusting after straight hair, wanting to live the “straight hair life.” I’d spent years burning my hair with flat irons, destroying it with chemical straightening balms, talking smack about it, all the while denying what was meant for me. I wasn’t listening; I wasn’t learning, I was too busy wishing to be something I’m not and trying so hard to have it.  It was exhausting.

My poor hair; drenched in ruthless negativity. My poor curls. All they wanted was to be loved. Why couldn’t I give them that?

Luckily for me, I had an awakening, perhaps an imaginary omen of sorts. I felt an inner warning speak to me: Love your hair, or it will leave.

I’ll never know if this premonition would have come to fruition, and, thankfully, I didn’t have to find out. I took the red alert whole-heartedly and began to change my ways.

I started taking vitamins and supplements for healthy hair. I researched how to care for curly hair, what products to use and what not to use. I started to shower my hair with praise and affection. I ran the conditioner through with loving hands and gently scrunched my happy curls with a smile on my face. I started speaking positive affirmations when I looked in the mirror. “My hair is long and strong. I love my healthy, beautiful hair!”

It didn’t take long to see a difference. The frizz quieted down; my hair became nourished, soft, and luscious. It grew long and strong, just as I affirmed it would. Once I started loving my hair, my hair started loving me back.  And this concept proves true for anybody.

Whatever “problem areas” you have, whatever body part you can’t come to terms with, take a moment with it.  Breathe deep, be silent. Ask yourself, “What is this here to teach me?” Everything we don’t like about ourselves holds a piece of wisdom, a lesson for us to learn.

My hair is wild, untamed, and free - all qualities I admire in others and am learning to hone within myself. My hair taught me to relinquish control. It taught me that one of your biggest burdens could become one of your greatest assets. It taught me how to start loving myself. My hair taught me how to be me.

Ironically enough, once I started to wear my hair naturally, others took notice too. I’m still surprised by how many compliments I receive. And it’s not really about my hair; it’s about authenticity. When my hair is natural—wild and free as it wants to be—I’m presenting myself to the world as I really am. I’m not hiding under the guise of a straight-haired woman. I get to be authentic; I get to be me.

Authenticity has a magnetic pull that naturally draws people in. This magnetism can happen for you too. As soon as you tap into your nature—your natural state of you—you’ll see it for yourself. You’ll get to see and feel how beautiful it is to be you. The real you, as you really are.

Here’s to embracing your physical form, learning what it longs to teach you, and shining ever brighter for it.  

YOUR BODY ISN’T WHO YOU ARE; IT’S WHAT YOU’RE IN.

Shine on!

Stefanie Fields is a Certified Hypnotherapist and four-time children’s book author. Her second book, You’re Beautiful When was written with a passion to encourage girls to feel good about themselves through the power of positive words and affirmations.