It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
By Hanna
Holding space. Honoring myself. Being honest with myself and others. No assumptions, only true stories. Being mindful of my environment. Having trust in myself. Being okay with not being okay. Taking responsibility. Holding myself and others accountable.
What do all of these things have in common? They empower me. However, it took a lot of stress, working on myself and growth to build these skills.
Over the course of the last 10 years, I have struggled with depression, anxiety and PTSD. As a now 22 year old, it’s hard to admit that, at the age of 12, I experienced extreme emotions, and dealt with them through my prime teenage years. This affected my social/communication skills, my perception of situations and caused me to set low standards of how I expected people to treat me for several years. This brought a lot of confusion, low self-esteem and trust issues into my life. I have spent the last 10 years recovering from the damage of someone who did not care about how their actions affected me.
With several years of therapy, self determination, practicing mindfulness and self awareness, I finally began to feel functional in life. It took time for me to understand that it’s okay to not be okay, and until I was honest about how I was feeling, I couldn’t move forward. I spent so much time being paralyzed by fear, and not knowing what was “normal” to feel, or what I “should” be feeling, that when I began to be honest with myself I was able to recognize that there are no guidelines in life on how we should feel. So, I started to honor my emotions and where I stand in all aspects of my life. I began to hold space for those emotions and begin validating myself. This means I cry if I need to, I appropriately express my feelings to others without making them responsible for said feelings, I have the capacity to say enough is enough for me and feel confident in walking away from things that don’t have a purpose in my life.
One thing I want to acknowledge is that without the struggle and unwarranted situations that have occurred, I don’t feel that I would have been so inclined to develop these skills at such a young age. However, I do believe that with guidance, and better education regarding mental health we will be able to help people practice mindfulness and self awareness at younger ages, prior to adulthood, better preparing them for the real world. I feel empowered and lucky to have obtained this knowledge at such an early phase of adulthood, as I am more capable of letting go of the minor things that do not truly affect me. By letting go of these small things, I am able to put my energy into things that I love and care about. I am a believer that the energy we put into the world circles back to us.
A hard part of growing up is learning that not one person is likely ever going to be able to support us in every way we need. The beauty in that is how we learn to support ourselves along the way. Supporting myself is something that also empowers me, as I can hold myself accountable for the things I say and do, while taking responsibility instead of being a victim by blaming others for the way that I respond and feel in certain situations.
Here are some things I think everyone should know:
If we are not honest with ourselves, others cannot help us in the way we need.
Trust yourself, you know yourself best and only you can make choices that are right for you because of this.
It’s okay to not be okay, because if we invalidate our emotions we will fall victim to insecurities and devalue ourselves. We have to ride it out, and honor where we are.
Taking responsibility for our choices and actions will allow more open communication and honesty with ourselves and others.
If it doesn’t serve you, cut the ties.
We all deserve to be content, and experience happiness. Do not let ANYONE stand in the way of what YOU want. This is YOUR life. Live it.
It’s okay to put yourself first.
Take care of yourself today and everyday. Love yourself. You are not alone. Good things are coming.
